Do What You WANT
At the end of last year, I promised myself that I would NOT get caught up in the details of certain things. I would just go for what I know and figure out the rest later. For most of my life I've had people tell me to play it safe, you know the usually go to college, graduate with your degree so that you can get a "decent" paying job so you can live the life that everyone else lives...INSERT FUCK NO here, please! It took me the beginning of my 20s to realize that is not the life I am suited to live. So, what did I do...I dropped out of college in my junior year as a film major. I've never been less depressed lol. I figured it's my life I'm the one who has to live it every day, what is it that I want to do? I came up technically with nothing specific. All I knew was that I loved photography and videography and art as a whole and whatever it was that I did I wanted it to speak to people to help and/or entertain. So here I am telling you the shortest version of how I came to finally stop fighting myself and let go of the fear of failure or being wrong and live the life that ultimately I want. Now granted, it definitely has not been easy and I've still got a long way to go but BABY, when I tell you life, is a lot easier when you just let go of other peoples expectations of you and you grab hold to some yourself. When you decide to put your own feet to the fire and that nothing you want is too far out of your reach...you can really have whatever you like. All said to ultimately say...DO WTF YOU WANT.
I'm an introvert posing as an extrovert...I recently did some reading on introverts and extroverts and had come to the conclusion that maybe I was both. Which would be an ambivert (someone who can adapt to both environments both social and solitude. I read this article on www.introvertdear.com it's called 10 Signs You're Probably an "Extroverted" Introvert, great read BTW. Anywho, I won't rewrite the article for you but I will give you a few of the signs that resonated with me. 1. " My energy level is closely tied to my environments" this is so true for me. If my environment is a certain way that dictates my level of energy. For example, I throw a few events a year; a lot of the time before anyone gets there I have to psych myself up which includes getting into my "social character" mindset. I might play some music that will be heard at the party or invite my closest friends over so that I can play off of their energy. And the funny thing is it's not that I don't enjoy having these events it's just that I need an extra jolt of something to get that extroversion energy going. 2. " I find people both intriguing and exhausting" OH MY GOSH! I have actually always felt this way. I love meeting and interacting with new and exciting people however there gets to be a point where it all is just too much for me and I start to shut down. All of a sudden, I'm just exhausted. The older I get the easier it is for me to understand this part of my personality. I have seasons of being social and seasons that I really just want and need to be in my shell. It literally comes in waves there are times when I'm on all the scenes and then there are months that I don't go out AT ALL and I keep my phone on DND which is actually one of my most favorite iphone features. 3. " Certain People and Interactions Drain Me while Others Recharge Me" it's another BANGER! lol like seriously I know a lot of this stuff may sound mad basic but it is the TRUTH! I've got people who I can literally talk to like 7 times a day. I said, people...I honestly meant person lol (my bad) anywho. But yea there are some friends who I can talk all day every day and there are others that I absolutely adore however I know that interaction with them might take me out the game for a couple of days. I'm still exploring why all this is, but that is the beauty of self-discovery self-awareness. I encourage you to find out which one you are are you an Introvert or Extrovert or do you believe in the combination of both which is described as an Ambivert? Let me know...I'd love to hear your thoughts. Much love. Peace.
Broke n Bougie